It was winter break of my sophomore year, two long weeks to put the textbooks away and just relax. But I found myself poring over book after book, thinking about Christianity and science, reading books by Francis Collins, C.S. Lewis, Richard Dawkins, and Sam Harris. I will keep my musings short and to the point in this post but those few weeks my thoughts were anything but.
I mainly realized I would never come to know the Lord by understanding and “knowing” Him objectively, such as studying a textbook, but I really got to know the Lord through my own experiences and application of the word to my own life. If you knew me perhaps a year ago, you would never believe my faith and relationship with the Lord could have grown so tremendously.
This quote by C.S. Lewis does a great job at summing up my thoughts: “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” In other words I really came to terms (through a lot of struggles and questioning) with this innate “God-sized vacuum” Blaise Pascal speaks of that ultimately nothing in this world could satisfy me. As I found that only something as immense, mysterious and powerful as God can really fill this vacuum, I just found that everything in my life made so much more sense. Sometimes we love what we love and reason has no place in it. Not everything I wanted could be explained through over-thinking and analysis; after all, humans will always have a limited capacity to understand the mysteries of life. And I was fine with that.
As I realize how little we each are in the grand scheme of God’s plan, I feel humbled yet strongly encouraged by everyday (Heb 6:18). There are so many things outside my control but I just find peace that He’ll take care of it and work it out for His purpose.
The Lord’s plan for me means everything to me; He has provided me with purpose and has really anchored me into just another believer that wants to see His will accomplished.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, for what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18